Take care of yourself.

what is wrong with me
Every time I see some pastel-coded angel on TikTok with perfect hair and the kind of bedroom that looks like an anime background, I want to throw myself into the ocean. I know it’s fake arghhhGHARIEUHFE but still. Meanwhile my room looks like a crime scene. I keep telling myself I’ll clean tomorrow. It’s been two months of “tomorrow.” Do you ever get jealous to the point of nausea? Not even romantic jealousy, just the “why wasn’t I born as that instead of… this” kind.

Lilliputian Hitcher

why am i awake at 2am staring at a jpeg horse girl with tears in my eyes bc she lost by a pixel. i don’t even watch real sports. i don’t know the rules of anything. but suddenly i’m screaming at my phone like a soccer dad with gambling debt. i need to be studied.
i know they’re just horse girls but why do i get so attached… like?? WHY am i shaking when my girl barely pulls through the finish line like she’s real. this game has actually rewired my brain i can’t even look at normal horses anymore without thinking “oh that’s literally special week IRL” help.

She Said, “Don’t Make Others Suffer for Your Personal Hatred.”

I think I’ve lost more emotional stability to gacha pulls than to actual life problems. every damn banner feels like a relationship test. Do I have enough jades saved? Will the 50/50 break me? Am I worthy of this character? And when I lose? It’s like a breakup. Except I crawl back anyway. Because what if next time… what if. Honestly, I should just put “gacha victim” in my bio at this point.

Do You Love Me?

do you ever just sit there at 4am staring at your monitor glow like “wow i have literally nothing going for me except this game character who doesn’t even know i exist.” like i’m aware it’s pathetic but also it’s the only time i feel anything. edit: why did i just type that out like it’s deep. delete this before i wake up. (but i won’t).

Hedgehog's Dilemma

ngl i’m not even sad about not dating or whatever. do you think i have time to worry about boys when i’m busy refreshing leaks for zzz??? the average man has never given me serotonin but gacha has (sometimes. when it’s generous. once every 200 pulls maybe). so yeah i’m a loser but at least i have my digital girlfriends

The Beginning and the End, or “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”

i can feel it. every glance, every word, every interaction I JSUT KNOW they’re judging me. whispering about me. online, offline, doesn’t matter. brain keeps replaying every dumb thing i’ve ever said like a punishment. tried to play zenless to escape. but i still feel bad, i feel so fat lately to the point i cant look at myself, i wish i was pretty